This blog is not about decorating. In fact, the picture of the tea cup that you see above, will from now on be a symbol of Me-About-To-Spill-My-Guts banter. So, if you are interested, please read on……
I started journaling on 12/17/15. It went something like this…..
Today I start journaling…..to see if I can find out what it really is that I should be doing with the rest of my life. I have this gnawing feeling that it is time to shift gears, reinvent myself, as the old self is tired of doing things the same way.
And I keep getting in my own way….
All my life, I’ve had this annoying little thought that “I’m not good enough”. or as good as other people….When I try to rationalize it, I think it was because I was spanked alot, as a kid, punished for doing something that was bad in my father’s eyes.
A child looking through their parent’s eyes, trusting that they know more, and vulnerable to their judgements, doesn’t have much of a choice ~ They are molded by the parent’s words and actions. That mold is what needs to be cracked when we become adults.
Last night, we were talking about how I was the first one in our family to marry interracially. I was also the first one in the family to complete college and get a degree.
My grandson said that I was rebellious. He’s right of course. His observations and insights into people are always very clear and perceptive. I remember being rebellious as a young child, not wanting the confines of parental control. I was a fighter. But there came a time when I didn’t want to fight anymore, so I would just leave. I left jobs and relationships. I gained a reputation for being late ( another rebellion) and I started finding my own way, on my own terms, and I discovered that I had many talents, and that I liked who I was becoming.
About the age of 25, my sister introduced me to meditation. She was learning TM ( trancendental meditation).
Meditating, at first, seemed like a running story of all my worries parading before my mind. But, I stuck with it, and pretty soon, I found myself sitting in the silence, and that’s when my life started to change in a Big Way.
Soon, I was led to the teachings of Roy Eugene Davis. He was a disciple of a guy named Paramahansa Yogananda. It’s a mouthful now, but soon became music to my ears!
In R.E.D.’s books, I found someone who was unprejudiced, non-judgemental, and who spoke of God, as a friend.
He kept saying that I had to read P.Y.’s Autobiography of a Yogi.
So, one day, when I went to visit my Mom, there was the book on her husband’s night stand. The neighbor had loaned it to him. He let me borrow it.
Now, since then, I’ve heard many stories of how other people have found this book.
Situations where it had fallen off the shelf at the library, and hit them on the head.
I felt like my story was similar ~ I was meant to read this book….
Once I started reading it, I could not put it down -The writing was so intelligent, and funny, and showed me a new way of having a more personal relationship with God. and that is exactly what I needed, to be closer to the nearest of the near, the dearest of the dear.
I felt like I had been saved from what my life could have been.
I sent for the lessons… here is the link: https://www.yogananda-srf.org/
I stopped spending time with my pot-smoking friends.
I enrolled in College and was accepted, and my life started to flow.
I was learning to follow my inner guidance and continued with the meditation techniques.
The meditation techniques are actually breathing exercises that help you control the breath in order to still the body for deeper meditation.
One of the best side effects of a daily meditation practice is that bad habits and moods start to fall away. I sure had plenty of those!
A daily practice of 15 minutes morning and evening, helped my days to flow smoother, I could make better decisions, and I was calmer and more at peace with myself.
I knew that God’s loving hand was directing my life.
So, when the going gets rough, I know that the best thing I can do is to sit in silent meditation, send out my prayers, surrender, and then just be silent, listen, and trust that everything will be okay, and so will I.
A connection with Spirit is definitely a Cottage Necessity!
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